Saturday, August 27, 2011

Are there male ladybugs?

Of course there are. But I just had that thought out loud and Margarite looked at me with an expression that said she didn't know where to begin... That has nothing to do with today's haiku, though:

after the music
the record's rhythmic
shush           shush          shush          shush

I like this sound-image a lot -- the way when a record player reaches the end of a side it keeps spinning, the needle playing a soft, new song of static. I don't think the haiku is quite working yet, though. It's too flat, a one-dimensional observation.

What would improve it? A story to go along with the image of the record? Maybe the people who were listening to the record have left the room, or fallen asleep, or are otherwise occupied. Or maybe it needs a counter-rhythm, or another sense to be engaged.

her soft snores --
the record player goes
shush           shush          shush          shush

morning sun --
the record player's soft
shush           shush          shush          shush

Not sure I've hit on it yet, but it's improving, I think...

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